Women!

What can I say about them. They can be a pain in the ass sometimes, actually, more often than not. But, We must like the torture, because we keep coming back for more. Think about it, most of us (I mean men here.) have had a bad relationship (or two, or three, etc., etc. And I do mean bad relationships, not bad women, every man needs those once in a while) at one point or another, but we still go after the same type of woman. (Most of the time.) Why is that? Personally, I really don't know. And I do know that I have done it myself. Is it the challenge of overcoming hardship that drives us to basically beat our heads up against a wall? Do we just enjoy the pain of those type of relationships? (And I'm sure some people do) I really don't get it. I've talked about my friend that is having the same type of problem with her ex/current boyfriend, so I know that this problem affects women too. But seeing as I don't have much info to go on in that area (other than trying to help my friends) I'll concentrate on the male side of the problem.

As an example of what I'm talking about, I'll use Bizkit's current problem. (Sorry man, if it bothers you that I used you in here.) His ex-wife, from what I've heard (admittedly, one sided), is a lazy, mooching bitch. She uses his son against him to get him to do what she wants him to do. This man loved her, and more than likely still has some feeling for what happens to her. I'm sorry, but how can you care enough to take the time to WANT to have a child with someone, and then turn around and use the kid as a bargaining chip?!? I've seen this quite a few times. And it really is painful to the guy who basically gets thrown out in the cold when this happens. Of course, we would never admit it in public, (or private, for that matter) and go thru our lives like it is not of too much importance. Anyway, I'm starting to go off on a tangent here. As I said, he gets divorced from her, and she ends up treating him like shit. (And apparently was before this, as well.) He ends up doing what most men do when this happens, he doesn't let anybody in, if he thinks that they will end up causing pain. While this is great in theory, it is bad in practice. (I don't want to think how many I missed by doing this.) And during this time, we try to find women that are different to the one that screwed us over. But, we never really give them the chance to show us how different they are. So, we do this for a while (weeks, months, years, in my case) and we end up looking for the ones like the one that hurt us. (I think that we do it subconsciously.) This is what happened (I think) to Bizkit with his (now) ex-fiancée. From what it sounds like to me, she started treating him the same way the ex-wife did, and in the same way too. (At least this time he wasn't married yet.) I've done the same type of thing, and so have others that I know.

Why do we do this? Is it because we end up missing the same type of person? Or, is it a quality that that person had that we are attracted to? (Bizkit tells me that, for him, it’s a quality. But, I'll let him explain it on his own, if he wants.) For me, I think that it’s the personality traits that I go after. (Don't get me wrong, a good personality is a must, yes. But, If she doesn't look good enough to attract my attention in the first place, I'll never find out about the personality. I'm sure it’s the same with everyone, whether or not you admit it.) And we almost always find ourselves back in the same type of relationships. Doesn't this sound kind of stupid on our part? So, we got to ask ourselves how do we stop this from happening?

(A little disclaimer here. I have no idea if these suggestions are by any means going to work. Think about it here. I'm just an old soldier, not a relationship counselor, or anything like that. But, I have been emotionally beat up a few times by bad relationships. So this stuff may actually work. Who knows?)

Obviously, the first thing is (surprise, surprise) knowing that there is a problem. (Hi. My name is Chinook, and I'm addicted to bad relationships.) But this is actually the hard part. And without knowing the problem, you can't fix it.

First, try changing locations. Not always a doable thing, especially when you have things like a job, house and stuff like that. But, lucky me, if you're in the military, this one is easily solved. And I have to admit, it wasn't just the location change, it was also the different culture too. So, maybe just moving from place to place in the States might not help, but you never know till you try.

Next, don't go to the same places to meet women. But we are creatures of habit, and like to go to the places we feel comfortable in. Well, all I have to say about that is, shake it up a little. Go to a place you wouldn't normally. If you like Country music, (Don't know why, but some people are deranged that way.) and always go to those type of places, stop for a while and try a Rock or Hip-Hop club. Who knows, you might even enjoy going there for the people, if not the music.

Third, and finally, consciously look for someone that is the opposite of what you normally go for. But the only way to do this is to know what the problem is. (DUH) If you like the extremely outgoing type, try to get a shy person. (Sure that could be a lot of work, but after all, the chase is always the best part of any hunt. And this is a hunt.) If you like a blonde, go for a redhead, or brunette. Change it up a little, you may just end up happier.

Wow, I'm starting to sound like Ann Landers here. (Must stop that.) Anyway, don't worry about taking chances, you're going to have to sooner or later, might as well do it on your own terms, rather than her's. And lets face it, all men need women in their lives (Except for gay men.) because without them, life really sucks.

I promise that next time I won't get as much into things like this. I have a much better subject in mind. (Well, yes, better subject, but still about women, and a little more interesting.)