Today began beautifully. After two days with rain, the air was clear of dust and you could see the mountains all around the FOB clearly, for a change. It had been so long since I had seen all but the closest mountains, I had almost forgotten they were there. On the far ranges, the sun was coming through the clouds and making the peaks look like they were covered with snow, instead of the usual dirt and rock. It looked like the day was one for good news. And then the rug was pulled out from under me, and I landed smack dab on my face.
I was talking with my wife, like I do just about everyday, when she gave me the news. A few months ago I asked you for help when I needed it. And I thank everyone of you for it, your support meant very much to me, then, as it still does. I had started talking with my son, and though there was anger, on his side, and extreme nervousness on mine, we were making progress that was long overdue. He went on a cross country road trip and met up with my brother in North Carolina. And, there were tentative plans for us to meet early next year.
All of that is over now. The week he returned to California, he was out riding his motorcycle when another driver ran a stop sign in front of him, and then fled the scene. My son was put into a coma from the accident a month ago, and has not woken up. I don't know if he was wearing a helmet, and never asked, because to me its not important. The news from his mother, through my wife, was that she had talked with a neurosurgeon today about him. The doctor told her that there was too much damage to his brain stem. My son will never wake up, if he does, he would have no control over anything and would have to be cared for for the rest of his life, worse than a newborn. My son is gone! Today they removed his feeding tube and it is just a matter of time before he passes. I know, both in my heart, and my mind, that he will be better off this way. And that to keep him here, or even to attempt it, is both selfish and wrong. It is time for him to have peace.
Last week, right before Irene hit, my oldest daughter went out there from Virginia to see him, and help his mother through this. From everything I have heard, they get along, and like each other. And I am extremely happy that at least part of my family can be there for her. I know, almost exactly, what she is going through. I had to make the same decision for my dad a little over four years ago. While my dad had lived his life, and it was a stroke that took him down, as opposed to an accident, the pain, and other feelings are no less intense.
I was hearing from my daughter, and his mother, how each day he seems to be getter better, and its only a matter of time before he comes back. I didn't have the heart to tell them that this may not be the case, and not to read into what is happening. That's right, the blunt, cold hearted bastard that I am, I couldn't tell them what I felt to be true. What I learned when I was with my father. I just couldn't do it because I did not want to take that one thing that they needed from them. Hope. It is easy to see little movements as signs of the hoped for recovery. Even after the doctors have told you otherwise. But the doctors know, and they know how families will react when their loved one is in this situation. And they will wait until they know that you are ready to accept the truth before they make the full attempt at getting your understanding. I thank God that my son has/had the care that he needed. And that his mother had the support she does, along with my daughter being able to be there for her too.
Please, don't tell me "I'm sorry for your loss.", or "I'm so sorry!" No offense, but I don't want to hear it! I already know that you guys are. And, especially, I don't want to hear that it was his time, or God had a plan, or anything of that nature. It was NOT his time, he had just started his life. And what kind of plan could it have possibly been? Yes, I am angry right now. Very angry! I am angry at God for placing this opportunity in front of me, and then snatching it back. Children should not go before their parents. Yes, I know its a cliche, but that doesn't make it any less true. And to rip him away from his mother, when, after years of conflict between them, things were starting to get better, is just cruel, too cruel for a loving God. How could He have let this happen? How can He allow a mother to be forced to bury her son? Yes, I know it happens all the time, somewhere in the world. But this time it affects people I know!
But the thing that scares me the most right now is the fact that I literally want to find the guy that was driving that car and physically rip him limb from limb, slowly. This isn't the saying, "I want to kill him.", not really meaning it. I really do want to kill this guy. For the first time in my life, I unashamedly, and truly, want to kill someone.
I wrote this here because I needed to vent, someone to talk to. (Not that this is talking to any of you, but I do get to vent.) I don't have my rock here, I don't have any friends close by and even making a phone call is very difficult. This is all I have at the moment. If you got this far, thank you for staying with me. And I do feel a little bit better getting this off of my chest. Its just such a shame, it started out as such a beautiful day...
02 September 2011
10 July 2011
Confusion
Yes, confusion. (Note, this is likely to ramble much more than my normal entries as I try to work something out.) As those of you who know me know, I'm not a very "touchy feely" person. I don't often share my feelings about very much, and never in such a public way. I wasn't always like this, but it is who I have become. The only person who knows "the real me", is my wife. I am always direct when I speak. Though I have been noted recently as "The Yoda of Sarcasm." When I say something, I mean it. And I don't give my word unless I know I can keep it, otherwise its always "I will try." While I have always been a self-confident person (some might call it self-centered), something has made me very insecure. And this is not something I tend to deal with well. Recently, my actions in the past have come up to shake me, all the way to my core.
You may ask yourself what would/could he have done that had this kind of reaction in him? Well, it wasn't exactly an action, but rather a lack of such. Where do we start? The beginning? More recent events? I'm not really sure. Maybe I should first talk about what made me write this post? Like I said, confusion. Perhaps I should start at the beginning, it may help me figure out what to do.
Back in high school, I had a long time girlfriend. Three years, that doesn't seem so long now, but to a teenager, it can seem to be a lifetime. I'll call her B., as I am not want to use people's names out here in a public forum. B was beautiful, blonde hair, blue eyes, 5'11" and caught my interest the first time I met her. We went to different high schools, had different interests and hung out with different types of people. In short, nothing that would suggest, looking back at it decades past, there was anything to keep a relationship together. (And, being a teenager, how in the hell could I even know what a relationship really was?) She had the greatest effect on who I have become, as an individual, outside of the Army. Our relationship was off, an on, several times over the years. I always went back to her, or her back to me. We would get angry at each other over stupid stuff, but important to us as teenagers. But, I was in love, my first time feeling that way for someone outside of my family.
Then one night, it was definitely over between us. I really don't know if it was us, or just me. I do remember the night very clearly still to this day, some 20 years later. Needless to say, it left an impression. And changed me, but not for the good. I didn't trust women for a while after that. I went through a succession of women, girls really, for a time. They were used and thrown away, something I am now ashamed to admit. Especially having daughters. But, that was who I had become. I graduated high school and was waiting to go to Basic when I started dating my wife. She was meant to be like the others, only around until I left for basic. She had the same basic idea for me, just to be around to pass the Summer. She was/is in very many ways, the opposite of B. She is beautiful as well, brown hair and eyes, 5'2" and she also caught my attention from the first time I met her. But, where B and myself grew apart, the wife and I grew closer. (I know, I can hear you saying "Duh! You got married and still are.") She is the second greatest individual influence in who I am. No, she is THE influence. She taught me to trust again. But, while a nice story and all, what the hell does this have to do with the title of this post? Please bear with me a few sentences more, or maybe paragraphs, I'm not sure at this time. Like I said, I’m kind of confused and trying to work it out.
Anyways, back to B. After that final night, and after I returned home for Christmas Exodus from AIT, she came to my house. And she had a baby with her. His name was/is Krikit, and I was/am the father. Needless to say, at the time, I did not believe her. I still did not trust her, nor did I like to be around her. Her husband, and Air Force guy IIRC, I’m not really sure, nor did I care at the time, was there with her. She placed him in my arms, and I still couldn’t believe. I handed him back to her and they left. I didn’t hear anything more, so I decided that I must have been right.
Flash forward 13 years. I am in SEAR school for the Army. While in the class, you are not allowed any contact with the outside world. So at the end of the course, the first thing I did was call home. (Well, not exactly the first thing. I slept for the first time in 6 days.) And the wife tells me that B had called. And that I had a son. I asked her if she was sure and she told me that she saw a picture of him and he looked exactly like me. I couldn’t believe it. I was so sure I was right all of those years ago, and here I was confronted with the opposite being true. I flashed back to that day when I saw him, and thought how stupid could I have been.
I went home after the class and the wife showed me the picture of him. I was speechless. (Yes, I know. A surprising concept to be sure.) It was like looking at a picture of myself at that age. How could I have been so wrong? Was it because of my feelings towards B that caused me to be that way? Am I worthy to be a part of this kid’s life?
I don’t remember if it was right away, or sometime after, that I called him. I was nervous, scarred and anxious all at the same time. More so than at any point in my life, I was unsure about myself. I know I didn’t talk much, I normally don’t. He didn’t either from what I remember. I apologized I don’t know how many times, but it must have been a lot. And looking back on it, what good was apologizing really? It’s just words. Sometime after the call, I don’t know when, or how long, I figured that I didn’t deserve to be a part of his life. I didn’t talk about this with anyone. I really should have, since looking back on it, it wasn’t my decision to make, but his. If he wanted me to be part of his life, or at least attempt it, I should have lived up to his faith in me. Instead, I took a coward’s way out. I decided, on my own, not to renew contact. But, I kept coming back to, “You need to call him.” And I would justify not doing it by telling myself it has been too long. And the longer it got, the easier it became to convince myself.
I am really such an ass. It would have taken only a little bit of effort on my part. Yet, I was too afraid to do it. Me. I have stared down people twice my size and not even be nervous until afterwards. I have jumped into fights without a second thought, gone to combat zones and comforted my Soldiers because they were afraid. Been in mortar and rocket attacks and not worried about getting hit. I do not get afraid of things. Yet, I was afraid of a kid. Not afraid in a physical sense, but of not being accepted, knowing that I didn’t deserve acceptance. I didn’t even give him the chance to decide on his own. And yet, I made it, easier maybe, for him to build a justified anger for me. I have regretted that decision, and thought about him on a regular basis, but could not bring myself to reinitiate contact.
Then recently, he got into contact with the family again. He is 23 now. A full grown man. He has been talking with the wife and my oldest daughter. He has already accepted them, and truly accepted my daughter as a sister already. According to both of them, they are almost the same in most ways. He is a master mechanic, a certified electrician, a guitar player in a band, an accomplished florist and working on a doctorate in practical physics. He is so accomplished at 23, that my years of service are nothing in comparison, the crowning achievement of my life, other than my family. With the wife, she has accepted him as part of the family, and I love her all the more for that. (I am truly blessed to have that woman in my life.) And he is trying to bring her into his life.
I talked with him this morning. He has told me some about what has been going on with him. I wanted to get on a plane right then and fly there. Getting in contact wasn’t his choice, it was his doctor’s. I am grateful for it none the less. He was braver than I have been all this time. Yes, he is very angry with me, and rightly so. I can only hope that he doesn’t hate me. After all, the only impression I have given him is that I don’t want him. While, that is not the truth of it, actions speak louder than words. And my actions have been very damning. (As I am writing this, I have to keep myself from tearing up. It is affecting me that much.) Do I truly deserve to be a part of this kid’s, no, this man’s, life after all I have done? How can I ask him not to shut me out, as I have done to him? Forgiveness, and trust, must surely be out of the question because I am worthy of neither one. He gave me a chance all those years ago to try and start. I fucked it up, plain and simple. He is giving me another chance now. I can not allow this one to pass. I must take action, even though that action terrifies me. I am so terrified of his rejection, and of my screwing this up again, that opening myself up like this, in a public way, is tame in comparison.
Basically, I am asking my family, even though some of you are not related by blood, you are family to me, for help. I know what I must do. I need the strength to do it. I know I must endure his anger until he is able to accept me. I need the courage to do so. I know I should embrace him into the family. He has taken the first step, the rest fall to me, but I need all of you to help me along this path. It will be a difficult one, I suspect. No, I know it will be, I have done too much wrong for it to be otherwise. Will you help me walk the path?
You may ask yourself what would/could he have done that had this kind of reaction in him? Well, it wasn't exactly an action, but rather a lack of such. Where do we start? The beginning? More recent events? I'm not really sure. Maybe I should first talk about what made me write this post? Like I said, confusion. Perhaps I should start at the beginning, it may help me figure out what to do.
Back in high school, I had a long time girlfriend. Three years, that doesn't seem so long now, but to a teenager, it can seem to be a lifetime. I'll call her B., as I am not want to use people's names out here in a public forum. B was beautiful, blonde hair, blue eyes, 5'11" and caught my interest the first time I met her. We went to different high schools, had different interests and hung out with different types of people. In short, nothing that would suggest, looking back at it decades past, there was anything to keep a relationship together. (And, being a teenager, how in the hell could I even know what a relationship really was?) She had the greatest effect on who I have become, as an individual, outside of the Army. Our relationship was off, an on, several times over the years. I always went back to her, or her back to me. We would get angry at each other over stupid stuff, but important to us as teenagers. But, I was in love, my first time feeling that way for someone outside of my family.
Then one night, it was definitely over between us. I really don't know if it was us, or just me. I do remember the night very clearly still to this day, some 20 years later. Needless to say, it left an impression. And changed me, but not for the good. I didn't trust women for a while after that. I went through a succession of women, girls really, for a time. They were used and thrown away, something I am now ashamed to admit. Especially having daughters. But, that was who I had become. I graduated high school and was waiting to go to Basic when I started dating my wife. She was meant to be like the others, only around until I left for basic. She had the same basic idea for me, just to be around to pass the Summer. She was/is in very many ways, the opposite of B. She is beautiful as well, brown hair and eyes, 5'2" and she also caught my attention from the first time I met her. But, where B and myself grew apart, the wife and I grew closer. (I know, I can hear you saying "Duh! You got married and still are.") She is the second greatest individual influence in who I am. No, she is THE influence. She taught me to trust again. But, while a nice story and all, what the hell does this have to do with the title of this post? Please bear with me a few sentences more, or maybe paragraphs, I'm not sure at this time. Like I said, I’m kind of confused and trying to work it out.
Anyways, back to B. After that final night, and after I returned home for Christmas Exodus from AIT, she came to my house. And she had a baby with her. His name was/is Krikit, and I was/am the father. Needless to say, at the time, I did not believe her. I still did not trust her, nor did I like to be around her. Her husband, and Air Force guy IIRC, I’m not really sure, nor did I care at the time, was there with her. She placed him in my arms, and I still couldn’t believe. I handed him back to her and they left. I didn’t hear anything more, so I decided that I must have been right.
Flash forward 13 years. I am in SEAR school for the Army. While in the class, you are not allowed any contact with the outside world. So at the end of the course, the first thing I did was call home. (Well, not exactly the first thing. I slept for the first time in 6 days.) And the wife tells me that B had called. And that I had a son. I asked her if she was sure and she told me that she saw a picture of him and he looked exactly like me. I couldn’t believe it. I was so sure I was right all of those years ago, and here I was confronted with the opposite being true. I flashed back to that day when I saw him, and thought how stupid could I have been.
I went home after the class and the wife showed me the picture of him. I was speechless. (Yes, I know. A surprising concept to be sure.) It was like looking at a picture of myself at that age. How could I have been so wrong? Was it because of my feelings towards B that caused me to be that way? Am I worthy to be a part of this kid’s life?
I don’t remember if it was right away, or sometime after, that I called him. I was nervous, scarred and anxious all at the same time. More so than at any point in my life, I was unsure about myself. I know I didn’t talk much, I normally don’t. He didn’t either from what I remember. I apologized I don’t know how many times, but it must have been a lot. And looking back on it, what good was apologizing really? It’s just words. Sometime after the call, I don’t know when, or how long, I figured that I didn’t deserve to be a part of his life. I didn’t talk about this with anyone. I really should have, since looking back on it, it wasn’t my decision to make, but his. If he wanted me to be part of his life, or at least attempt it, I should have lived up to his faith in me. Instead, I took a coward’s way out. I decided, on my own, not to renew contact. But, I kept coming back to, “You need to call him.” And I would justify not doing it by telling myself it has been too long. And the longer it got, the easier it became to convince myself.
I am really such an ass. It would have taken only a little bit of effort on my part. Yet, I was too afraid to do it. Me. I have stared down people twice my size and not even be nervous until afterwards. I have jumped into fights without a second thought, gone to combat zones and comforted my Soldiers because they were afraid. Been in mortar and rocket attacks and not worried about getting hit. I do not get afraid of things. Yet, I was afraid of a kid. Not afraid in a physical sense, but of not being accepted, knowing that I didn’t deserve acceptance. I didn’t even give him the chance to decide on his own. And yet, I made it, easier maybe, for him to build a justified anger for me. I have regretted that decision, and thought about him on a regular basis, but could not bring myself to reinitiate contact.
Then recently, he got into contact with the family again. He is 23 now. A full grown man. He has been talking with the wife and my oldest daughter. He has already accepted them, and truly accepted my daughter as a sister already. According to both of them, they are almost the same in most ways. He is a master mechanic, a certified electrician, a guitar player in a band, an accomplished florist and working on a doctorate in practical physics. He is so accomplished at 23, that my years of service are nothing in comparison, the crowning achievement of my life, other than my family. With the wife, she has accepted him as part of the family, and I love her all the more for that. (I am truly blessed to have that woman in my life.) And he is trying to bring her into his life.
I talked with him this morning. He has told me some about what has been going on with him. I wanted to get on a plane right then and fly there. Getting in contact wasn’t his choice, it was his doctor’s. I am grateful for it none the less. He was braver than I have been all this time. Yes, he is very angry with me, and rightly so. I can only hope that he doesn’t hate me. After all, the only impression I have given him is that I don’t want him. While, that is not the truth of it, actions speak louder than words. And my actions have been very damning. (As I am writing this, I have to keep myself from tearing up. It is affecting me that much.) Do I truly deserve to be a part of this kid’s, no, this man’s, life after all I have done? How can I ask him not to shut me out, as I have done to him? Forgiveness, and trust, must surely be out of the question because I am worthy of neither one. He gave me a chance all those years ago to try and start. I fucked it up, plain and simple. He is giving me another chance now. I can not allow this one to pass. I must take action, even though that action terrifies me. I am so terrified of his rejection, and of my screwing this up again, that opening myself up like this, in a public way, is tame in comparison.
Basically, I am asking my family, even though some of you are not related by blood, you are family to me, for help. I know what I must do. I need the strength to do it. I know I must endure his anger until he is able to accept me. I need the courage to do so. I know I should embrace him into the family. He has taken the first step, the rest fall to me, but I need all of you to help me along this path. It will be a difficult one, I suspect. No, I know it will be, I have done too much wrong for it to be otherwise. Will you help me walk the path?
02 May 2011
One Man's Death
I know it has been a long while since I have done anything on this blog. I don't apologize, and I won't make excuses, I just didn't feel like messing with it. But yesterday, as I got to work and set up my computer, there on my homepage, in a bright red box, was news that both made me very happy, and filled me with a sense of dread.
The news that gave me such feelings was that the arch-terrorist, Osama bin Laden, was dead. Killed by our own Military Professionals in Pakistan, and only 30, to 60 miles, depending on the news story, from the Pakistani capital of Islamibad. And all without the knowledge of the Pakistani government. At first, I could hardly believe that this was true. After all, we have been hunting this man for 9 1/2 years, with more than a few "We may have gotten him this time." statements being released. Then, as the news started filtering out, I came to believe it, and finally was fully on board with the news by the time Obama made his statement about the operation. (Which, being in Afghanistan, I didn't get to see. I don't have regular access to TV, and the internet is too slow for any real streaming video. Hell, it took almost an hour and a half just to watch the speech. 3-5 seconds at a time.)
At first, I was happy about the news. The man that orchestrated the deaths of over 3000 Americans in a single incident, and was at the head of an organization responsible for the deaths of thousands more American, and Coalition, Servicemembers, was finally on his way to God to answer for his actions. This one man, became our symbol of terrorism, of True Evil manifest in flesh. And here it was that we, Americans, had finally taken him down. I wasn't the only one to want to celebrate this man's death.
The news that gave me such feelings was that the arch-terrorist, Osama bin Laden, was dead. Killed by our own Military Professionals in Pakistan, and only 30, to 60 miles, depending on the news story, from the Pakistani capital of Islamibad. And all without the knowledge of the Pakistani government. At first, I could hardly believe that this was true. After all, we have been hunting this man for 9 1/2 years, with more than a few "We may have gotten him this time." statements being released. Then, as the news started filtering out, I came to believe it, and finally was fully on board with the news by the time Obama made his statement about the operation. (Which, being in Afghanistan, I didn't get to see. I don't have regular access to TV, and the internet is too slow for any real streaming video. Hell, it took almost an hour and a half just to watch the speech. 3-5 seconds at a time.)
At first, I was happy about the news. The man that orchestrated the deaths of over 3000 Americans in a single incident, and was at the head of an organization responsible for the deaths of thousands more American, and Coalition, Servicemembers, was finally on his way to God to answer for his actions. This one man, became our symbol of terrorism, of True Evil manifest in flesh. And here it was that we, Americans, had finally taken him down. I wasn't the only one to want to celebrate this man's death.
New York
Washington D.C.
All Americans were celebrating!
Arab-Americans, much maligned in the US for suspicion against them, celebrate.
People across the world celebrated this one man's death.
India
Was it like this during WWII when news of Hitler's death got out? I have no idea. And that is the only example that I could think of that is even close to Osama's death to compare against. But this death, and where he was hiding, raises some questions.
The first one is, how was he able to be, for all intents and purposes, right outside the capital of Pakistan, in an neighborhood that has numerous retired Pakistani Military officials living in it? In a HUGE, and expensive, compound within walking distance of Pakistan's version of West Point, and the Pakistani Intelligence and Military didn't know? (Yes, technically two questions, but too related to each other to be separate.) These guys are supposed to be our resolute allies against al Queda. We GIVE then a few BILLION dollars every year to help in the War against Terror. (How much of that money was siphoned to the fight against us?) There is no way that they could have not known. Everyone knows who their neighbors are, even if they don't know them personally. Its just something you kind of notice. I say that this is proof of Islamibad's duplicity, in and of itself. Stop sending our supplies through Pakistan, and strengthen our airlift capability, then cut of the money. Let's see how that goes over. There have to be repercussions for their actions against us, ally, or not.
Next question is, who is going to take his place, at least as a figurehead? We knew who he was, and his position in the organization. But the man that replaces him, may well be unknown for years to come. Or the one presented to us will be just for show, so that we target him, and not the real replacement. (They are not stupid, if they were, things would be much easier.)
Question Number Three. What are the repercussions to this going to be? Because, unlike most people, the Islamic Extremists idolized Osama. He was their symbol against the evils of the West, led by us Americans.
Angry PAKISTANIS (Our Allies?)
There is going to be a rise in violence against us, you can count on that. But when will it come? They have learned that Western populations have extremely fickle, and short, attention spans. I think they will wait until we let our guard down because "nothing has happened." After this, we can never let our guard down, until the last rat has been exterminated. After all, we have to be lucky 100% of the time, the terrorists, just once.
Death Waits in the Dark
Finally, hats off to our CIA, and Military, that were involved in this operation. Excellent work! While I have not seen any reports about any casualties from our side during this, with the exception of one Blackhawk, that had to be destroyed, I am hoping there were none.
To my brother Nightstalkers, NSDQ! You have shown, time and time again, why you are needed. And you do it all shunning attention for it. Just know there are some of us that know and pray for you.
For the SEALs, God Bless You. The world can sleep securely at night because of you.
And the CIA, well, I normally can't stand to say anything good about them, but in this case, I have to admit it. It was your hard work and dedication that really made this operation possible. Without your efforts, around the world, we would live in a more dangerous place. A heartfelt "Thank you."
To those of you vowing vengeance on America because we made true on Pres. Bush's promise of no matter how long, or where you hide, we will find you, piss off! And in the immortal words of Ash, from Army of Darkness, "Come get some!" We are ready and waiting.
01 October 2010
Just a Soapbox
Isn't that all that a blog really is? Think about it for a moment. The internet has given everyone the power to be able to voice their opinion regardless of any other factors. Even I am guilty of this. When we are around other people, we tend to watch what we say, and how we say it. (Yes, I have done this, I usually don't, but in my more recent years I have learned the art of tact.) We do this because most people do not appreciate the truth, or actually being fully honest. It has been so ingrained into our society that we have started to reward everyone for nothing. A trophy just for being a participant in an event. Graduation from Elementary School. Some schools have gone so far as to not award letter grades, but an alternate system, because letter grades can be demoralizing to the kids.
What? Give me a break. This kind of behavior has already hurt our country. Our government is afraid to offend ANYONE. So as a result we appear weak to the rest of the world. Our kids are growing up expecting that they should be rewarded for anything and everything. And that they "need" to have whatever they want, and now. I hope I have raised my kids to act responsibly, but it has been so damn hard with the way the schools are. You teach the kids that the have a right to defend themselves from bullies, or just defend themselves in general. But when they actually have to do it, the school will punish them right along with the kid that actually started it. Oh, and if you think that if the kid just sits there and takes the beating, hoping the whole time someone would stop it, that they wouldn't be punished by the school, think again. The still get the same punishment because they were in a fight. Does that make any sense? No!
So, we are becoming a society of apologizers. Afraid to offend anyone even in the slightest. And those of us that are unafraid to speak our mind, and the truth, are seen as malcontents. Or are accused of not caring about someones feelings. (Well, in my case that is true. If I don't know you, I ain't got the time to care about you in the slightest.) You can't be all 'touchy-feely' with people. Want to know why? THEY WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU! Maybe not directly, but it will happen. Why is it wrong for me to use the word "nigger" when black people use it among themselves all the time? (Personally, I revile the term whenever ANYONE uses it.) Equal rights means equal in everything, right? And by the way, my family didn't get to this country until the 1930s from England. And as a result, I have no ancestors that ever owned slaves. Why does my family have to share the blame for that?
We, as a country, need to man up and, pardon the term, grab our balls so we can take care of what is going to destroy us. Namely our fear of offending others and what the world's opinion of us is. We need to start taking care of our own and stop giving billions of dollars to nations that hate us. Pakistan is a prime example, the nations populace considers the United States an enemy, yet our oh so enlightened government gives them billions of dollars a year, basically supporting their economy. Um, hello, what do you think we could do in this country with just Pakistan's share of our international aid? I hesitate to think about it, it'll just get me pissed off, and this has been such a calm entry for me. Then there are the countries that STILL owe us for the equipment we sold them during WWII. Almost 70 years ago. Its a shame really, we are the only real superpower on this planet, and we can't even get our "friends" to payback the money we loaned them. More's the pity.
Today's quote comes from Benjamin Disraeli. He was a British Politician in the late 1800s. "Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so you apologize for truth." Kind of fits today's entry, not the beginning, or the end, but somewhere around the middle of the blog. Yea, I know, I wander around topics like a drunk hooker with a broken high heel around a gravel parking lot. So sue me!
What? Give me a break. This kind of behavior has already hurt our country. Our government is afraid to offend ANYONE. So as a result we appear weak to the rest of the world. Our kids are growing up expecting that they should be rewarded for anything and everything. And that they "need" to have whatever they want, and now. I hope I have raised my kids to act responsibly, but it has been so damn hard with the way the schools are. You teach the kids that the have a right to defend themselves from bullies, or just defend themselves in general. But when they actually have to do it, the school will punish them right along with the kid that actually started it. Oh, and if you think that if the kid just sits there and takes the beating, hoping the whole time someone would stop it, that they wouldn't be punished by the school, think again. The still get the same punishment because they were in a fight. Does that make any sense? No!
So, we are becoming a society of apologizers. Afraid to offend anyone even in the slightest. And those of us that are unafraid to speak our mind, and the truth, are seen as malcontents. Or are accused of not caring about someones feelings. (Well, in my case that is true. If I don't know you, I ain't got the time to care about you in the slightest.) You can't be all 'touchy-feely' with people. Want to know why? THEY WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU! Maybe not directly, but it will happen. Why is it wrong for me to use the word "nigger" when black people use it among themselves all the time? (Personally, I revile the term whenever ANYONE uses it.) Equal rights means equal in everything, right? And by the way, my family didn't get to this country until the 1930s from England. And as a result, I have no ancestors that ever owned slaves. Why does my family have to share the blame for that?
We, as a country, need to man up and, pardon the term, grab our balls so we can take care of what is going to destroy us. Namely our fear of offending others and what the world's opinion of us is. We need to start taking care of our own and stop giving billions of dollars to nations that hate us. Pakistan is a prime example, the nations populace considers the United States an enemy, yet our oh so enlightened government gives them billions of dollars a year, basically supporting their economy. Um, hello, what do you think we could do in this country with just Pakistan's share of our international aid? I hesitate to think about it, it'll just get me pissed off, and this has been such a calm entry for me. Then there are the countries that STILL owe us for the equipment we sold them during WWII. Almost 70 years ago. Its a shame really, we are the only real superpower on this planet, and we can't even get our "friends" to payback the money we loaned them. More's the pity.
Today's quote comes from Benjamin Disraeli. He was a British Politician in the late 1800s. "Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so you apologize for truth." Kind of fits today's entry, not the beginning, or the end, but somewhere around the middle of the blog. Yea, I know, I wander around topics like a drunk hooker with a broken high heel around a gravel parking lot. So sue me!
28 September 2010
WTF!!!
Ok, finally able to get back on here. I swear, sometimes the internet is against me. First, the provider's equipment broke. (Of course it was the day after the technician that had been here for 2 months left to go back to Italy.) So they had to get the parts here, that took three days. Then it took another 2 for the tech to get back. And finally, one last day to get it all fixed. I had a slight issue with the service once it cam back up and went to talk to the tech, since he is the only one there I knew. I explained it to him and he suggested a few things to try to fix it.
One of his suggestions worked and I went back the next day to let him know. He was already gone, and in his place is some Indian/Pakistani (I have no idea what he is.) who is now our service rep. I don't know what the ISP's policy is on speaking English, but its obvious they really don't care. This man can barely speak, or understand, English. I tried to explain what the issue was and how I fixed it, so he could let others know if they have the same problem. Well, the effort was worse than useless. He never did really understand me, even though I did slow my speech pattern down for him. And understanding anything he said was pure torture. (Now, I have been in several foreign countries, and no matter where I have gone, and no matter how poor someone's English was, I was able to get past the accents. But this guy is something else.)
You would figure that if you plan on providing a service to American service members, with a service rep there, that you would make sure that the person you choose for the job can understand, and be understood, in English. Especially since that would be the language he would be dealing with. I know I don't want to talk to him again, but maybe that's what the company is hoping will happen.
Then, after the net issue was fixed, I couldn't log into this lovely blog to update it. I kept getting all kinds of errors, different ones at that too. This went on for a few days. And finally, today, I can log in. And I never changed anything, go figure. I guess the Internet Gods decided I was worthy again.
Well, since I hadn't been able to log in, all of my ideas are now gone for a real blog today. You're just going to have to accept this for now. Oh, and no quote today, I don't think there are any that apply to this situation anyway. Later.
One of his suggestions worked and I went back the next day to let him know. He was already gone, and in his place is some Indian/Pakistani (I have no idea what he is.) who is now our service rep. I don't know what the ISP's policy is on speaking English, but its obvious they really don't care. This man can barely speak, or understand, English. I tried to explain what the issue was and how I fixed it, so he could let others know if they have the same problem. Well, the effort was worse than useless. He never did really understand me, even though I did slow my speech pattern down for him. And understanding anything he said was pure torture. (Now, I have been in several foreign countries, and no matter where I have gone, and no matter how poor someone's English was, I was able to get past the accents. But this guy is something else.)
You would figure that if you plan on providing a service to American service members, with a service rep there, that you would make sure that the person you choose for the job can understand, and be understood, in English. Especially since that would be the language he would be dealing with. I know I don't want to talk to him again, but maybe that's what the company is hoping will happen.
Then, after the net issue was fixed, I couldn't log into this lovely blog to update it. I kept getting all kinds of errors, different ones at that too. This went on for a few days. And finally, today, I can log in. And I never changed anything, go figure. I guess the Internet Gods decided I was worthy again.
Well, since I hadn't been able to log in, all of my ideas are now gone for a real blog today. You're just going to have to accept this for now. Oh, and no quote today, I don't think there are any that apply to this situation anyway. Later.
13 September 2010
Freedom of Religion
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| People in support of the proposed Mosque near Ground Zero. They know what we all should do. |
Perhaps its because, especially during the period, religion is such a large part of our lives. Even if you profess that you don't believe. (I bet there have been times that you were so relieved that you said, "Oh thank God." and didn't even realize it.) In our modern society, we tend to not live by God's rules, more or less. Thinking that they are out dated and more suitable for times long past. (Myself included) After all, they way we behave now, while we believe in God, is the way that people have always been, we just don't hide it behind closed doors anymore. As Christians, and Americans, we have come to accept that. Muslims around the world are still coming to terms with it and trying to save the "traditional" values of their religion.
Sorry, I went slightly off topic, but still relevant I think. Why do many Americans have such a hard time with Muslims that it is turning into a nationwide hate? You see comments like, "You don't see Christians blowing up airplanes, or flying them into buildings." "The ones committing terrorism are Muslims." Or my personal favorite, "When was the last time you saw a non-Muslim terrorist?" While all of these statements are true, they are also designed to breed fear against all Muslims. They are generalities. And the last one, I can answer easily. The last terrorists that weren't Muslim were sponsored by the Communist nations of the world. When they fell, so did their funding to such groups. (Which incidentally, is where most modern terrorist groups got their start and initial training. Thanks Commies!) And a final reason, America as a whole is still angry with the events of 9/11. And most of them don't have anywhere to direct that anger, so they hit the easiest target they can that is associated with the terrorists that committed that act. American Muslims. No one has ever accused the American public of being overly intelligent. (In my opinion, the American public is getting stupider by the day.)
American Muslims, and Islamic leaders around the world, need to start, (and I hate to use this word but can't think of another), policing their own for these extremists. Just like we have to do within our own military when members get out of hand. That is the only way non-Muslims are going to start trusting the Muslim community as a whole. After all, if Islam is a peaceful religion like you say, (Minus all of the kill the Infidel stuff in the Quran, think of the time period it was written. Our own bible has some pretty harsh stuff in it too.) then bring those abusing the religion to task. And publicly. And for our side (Christians, that is.) we need to be at least a little understanding and open minded. I don't mean stupidly so, just be willing.
Anyways, back to the Freedom of Religion. How does it apply to us, as Americans? Simply put, if you want to make yourself a religion, you can. There are no restrictions on what constitutes a religion in the United States. (However, there are certian "qualifiers" for a religion to be considered one by the government, and therefor, tax exempt.) Everyone is free to worship how they want. And, by law, you have to respect the other person's right to do so. (I disagree with it having to be a law, it should be common courtisy and respect.) So, all of these people that hate Muslims, guess what, they're breaking the law if they interfere with that religion.
(Man, I am really wandering today. But that's ok, if you know me, you know I do not think in a logical and straight forward manner. lol)
You may be asking why, if I am so critical of our government, why am I so open with religion? Easy answer, my beliefs. Yes, I am a Christian. Yes, I believe there is a God, and He is the Christian version. And that Jesus was a real person, as well as the son of God. But doesn't that alone mean that I should denounce other religions? Again, it comes back to my personal belief that there is one, and only one, God. NO MATTER WHAT THE RELIGION IS, IT IS THE SAME GOD.
Think about it. If God is the Almighty, and All Knowing that we give Him credit for, then how could it be otherwise? All religions profess the same basic things. Tolerance for your fellow man, peace and do good deeds. No matter what the actual belief system, that is the basic tenants. I truly believe that the differences in religions are culturally based, not because they have a "different" god/gods. God came to them in the way He (Or She, if you are so inclined.) knew He would be accepted. I mean, come on, the Almighty has to be that smart. So, other religions do not bother me. And I have been in very close proximity to several different ones. Buddist (and a few different varieties), Hindu, Tao, Wiccan (Did I spell that right?), Islam, Judaism and several different Christian religions. And I got along very well with those people. All because, (and this is going to sound extremely arrogant, even for me) I know where their religion is truly coming from, my God. That is just my $.02 worth on religion. You can agree with me, or not, won't change my views. But you may state your opinion if you feel the need, but mind The Rules.
Well, I think I'm a bit spieled out now. I want to leave you with a few things today.
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| Before |
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| After |
And finally another quote. It again comes from Ben Franklin, a man that though he lived in the late 1700's, was very wise even in today's society. " If men are so wicked with religion, what would they be if without it."
12 September 2010
Obamanation
I don't know if my friend Biz coined the title, or it came from somewhere else. But I'll be damned if I don't like it and its other hidden meanings. So, as you have already guessed, I am going to talk about Obama today. First off, let me tell you that I will never use his name and President (Note the capitalization today.) in the same sentence. To me he has yet to prove that he is actually allowed to even run for the position. (I can hear you now, "Great another rant about his birth certificate." Yes, but it'll be short, I promise.) He has failed to prove that he was born in this country. Because he does not meet the other birth requirement of 2 parents being citizens, if he was born outside the United States. Supporters of Obama have provided an "Official" birth certificate to the press. However, the birth certificate has been proven to be a true birth certificate. I still don't buy it though. Maybe because I just don't like Obama personally.
I think the funniest thing to turn out of Obama's election is the fact that it took less than one year for his public opinion level to drop below Bush's. And is now the lowest of any President in history. Can you believe it? I sure the hell can. He did not have the experience to be President. His politics were all wrong and he is more lost than a fat kid in a candy store. Lets face it America, you put that man in office because he was black. There was no other reason. (I can hear the calls of "Racist" now. I will address that in a bit.) He really has no clue what he is doing. He doesn't even know how to chose advisers to help him. Look at the first 2 people he picked to run the IRS. THEY HADN'T PAYED THEIR TAXES FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS! Can you believe that?
Then there are his Supreme Court Justice nominees. One, Sotomyer, or however you spell it, is racist. (If you weren't latino, you got harsher rulings from her.) But Obama picked her, and though a few valiant Senators tried to slow the process down, to go against the Obamanation is/was political death. So she was put on the bench. The other one, I don't remember her name, but she blocked recruiters from coming on the college campus where she worked. Even though it was in violation of Federal law, because the college received Federal funding, she thought it didn't apply to them. She later had to reverse her opinion. And this time, there again was limited opposition. Oh, by the way, this lady has never been a judge, or lawyer, only a Law Professor. Some great experience there, huh?
Now I said earlier that I would talk about the whole racist thing and Obama. Well, here it is. If anyone says something bad about him, or that they don't like him, one of the first reactions, especially from black people I've noticed, is that the person is a racist. Hell, I've even had it happen to me. And everyone that knows me knows I don't give a crap what color your skin is, just what type of person you are. (And, believe it, or not, I was compleatly speechless when it happened too.) Just because I don't like the man, or his politics, does not make me racist. I have personal reasons for not liking him. And if you think about it, those that voted for him from the minority groups (Is that politically correct enough for you?) voted for him because he IS black. Isn't that racist?
I said that I had personal reasons that I didn't like him, and here it is. This may come as a surprise, but I almost voted for Obama. Yeah, you read that right. He is a very charismatic individual, even through the TV and I thought he originally had some very good ideas. But when I was in Bagram during the election campaign he came out on a Congressional tour while he was still a Senator. The Commander in Bagram would not let the press on base to "document" the event, as it is against Federal law for political events to be held on military installations. My unit was tasked with flying the Congressmen around the country, which means the crew members of those aircraft were directly responsible for the lives of these VIPs. Obama was going to the Blackhawk he had been assigned to when the Crew Chief walked up to him and extended his hand to greet the Senator. Obama walks right around the man as if he didn't exist. Talk about a slap in the face! He has total disrespect for the military as an institution. And remember, there wasn't any press there, so he was free to be himself.
Anyways, they fly the Congressional group down to Kandahar, where since its a NATO base, and not US, the press is allowed to "document" the entire event. The difference in his attitude toward the military members was astounding. He couldn't greet enough people and was all smiles and encouraging words the whole time. See the difference in him when there are cameras around? Now you are probably asking how I know this. The Crew Chief that this happened to is a friend of mine and he let me know what happened. And the next question I bet you have is, "Why didn't you tell people?" The answer to that is simple. I did tell very close friends and my family, but I was bound by law, both Federal and the UCMJ, from becoming involved in political affairs while in uniform. And when you are deployed, you are ALWAYS in uniform. See, simple, like I said.
However, there is one thing that I must praise Obama for. (Pick your jaw up.) Yes, I said praise. He managed to get people involved in the electoral process and actually vote. The voter turn out was the largest it has been in years. All because of him. That is the only part of "his legacy" that I hope survives his term of office. (Which, God willing, will only be one term. I don't think we can survive much more of his begging for world forgiveness.) Please let us out do the voter numbers next election.
Today I leave with this quote, author unknown, "Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." Kind of relevant in relation to Obama, I think.
I think the funniest thing to turn out of Obama's election is the fact that it took less than one year for his public opinion level to drop below Bush's. And is now the lowest of any President in history. Can you believe it? I sure the hell can. He did not have the experience to be President. His politics were all wrong and he is more lost than a fat kid in a candy store. Lets face it America, you put that man in office because he was black. There was no other reason. (I can hear the calls of "Racist" now. I will address that in a bit.) He really has no clue what he is doing. He doesn't even know how to chose advisers to help him. Look at the first 2 people he picked to run the IRS. THEY HADN'T PAYED THEIR TAXES FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS! Can you believe that?
Then there are his Supreme Court Justice nominees. One, Sotomyer, or however you spell it, is racist. (If you weren't latino, you got harsher rulings from her.) But Obama picked her, and though a few valiant Senators tried to slow the process down, to go against the Obamanation is/was political death. So she was put on the bench. The other one, I don't remember her name, but she blocked recruiters from coming on the college campus where she worked. Even though it was in violation of Federal law, because the college received Federal funding, she thought it didn't apply to them. She later had to reverse her opinion. And this time, there again was limited opposition. Oh, by the way, this lady has never been a judge, or lawyer, only a Law Professor. Some great experience there, huh?
Now I said earlier that I would talk about the whole racist thing and Obama. Well, here it is. If anyone says something bad about him, or that they don't like him, one of the first reactions, especially from black people I've noticed, is that the person is a racist. Hell, I've even had it happen to me. And everyone that knows me knows I don't give a crap what color your skin is, just what type of person you are. (And, believe it, or not, I was compleatly speechless when it happened too.) Just because I don't like the man, or his politics, does not make me racist. I have personal reasons for not liking him. And if you think about it, those that voted for him from the minority groups (Is that politically correct enough for you?) voted for him because he IS black. Isn't that racist?
I said that I had personal reasons that I didn't like him, and here it is. This may come as a surprise, but I almost voted for Obama. Yeah, you read that right. He is a very charismatic individual, even through the TV and I thought he originally had some very good ideas. But when I was in Bagram during the election campaign he came out on a Congressional tour while he was still a Senator. The Commander in Bagram would not let the press on base to "document" the event, as it is against Federal law for political events to be held on military installations. My unit was tasked with flying the Congressmen around the country, which means the crew members of those aircraft were directly responsible for the lives of these VIPs. Obama was going to the Blackhawk he had been assigned to when the Crew Chief walked up to him and extended his hand to greet the Senator. Obama walks right around the man as if he didn't exist. Talk about a slap in the face! He has total disrespect for the military as an institution. And remember, there wasn't any press there, so he was free to be himself.
Anyways, they fly the Congressional group down to Kandahar, where since its a NATO base, and not US, the press is allowed to "document" the entire event. The difference in his attitude toward the military members was astounding. He couldn't greet enough people and was all smiles and encouraging words the whole time. See the difference in him when there are cameras around? Now you are probably asking how I know this. The Crew Chief that this happened to is a friend of mine and he let me know what happened. And the next question I bet you have is, "Why didn't you tell people?" The answer to that is simple. I did tell very close friends and my family, but I was bound by law, both Federal and the UCMJ, from becoming involved in political affairs while in uniform. And when you are deployed, you are ALWAYS in uniform. See, simple, like I said.
However, there is one thing that I must praise Obama for. (Pick your jaw up.) Yes, I said praise. He managed to get people involved in the electoral process and actually vote. The voter turn out was the largest it has been in years. All because of him. That is the only part of "his legacy" that I hope survives his term of office. (Which, God willing, will only be one term. I don't think we can survive much more of his begging for world forgiveness.) Please let us out do the voter numbers next election.
Today I leave with this quote, author unknown, "Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." Kind of relevant in relation to Obama, I think.
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